Raw Food? No. Just No.

Raw Food? No. Just, No.

Sashimi! Yea, Right.

It seems to rotate decades. For a while, the *thing* is to do raw eggs in a blender with some other mish mash. Of course, raw oysters come and go with seasons and uhhh...oil spills. Steak tartare made its rounds (with or without the raw egg plopped in the middle) and is still on some uppity menus.
But sushi and sashimi will not go away. (For the sake of simplicity here, I'm going to refer to both of them just as 'sushi'). They are everywhere - in supermarkets, crap house buffets, and ma and pa seafood shacks. Every now and then, I give it another chance, and optimistically order something beyond the California Roll, like Tamago Yaki (the omelette seaweed roll), which, I know, is still like clinging to the edge of the pool - really safe.
So I branch out and actually order something with a piece of *gag* fish slapped on top. I usually ask for recommendations from the itamae (sushi chef) for a virgin sushi eater, but apparently, this gets lost in translation, as certainly one cannot possibly imagine "Fatty Tuna" sounding appetizing to a newbie. So of course, once I have accepted the recommendation, I feel obligated to look appreciative, as if Chef Suzuki has just introduced me to heaven in between chopsticks. I do a little semi - bow and shy smile a la Japanese girl. And to be certain, the sushi always looks beautiful. There are the intricately carved radishes and curled onion thingies all in a dragon boat that serves as the vehicle for my Fatty Tuna. I feel guilty about all the work Chef-san has gone to, because this is really just my little experiment to see if my taste buds have learned to accept that sushi has made a place for itself in the world, or if I have to keep turning my nose up at invitations to "go for sushi". (Really, that royal looking dragon boat is going to get left with limp pieces of fish hanging overboard, in the end, can you see it coming?
Because once the sushi is served, here comes the most difficult part, that I have never figured out: I have chopsticks. The tuna roll does not arrive in a friggin bite size piece.
Apparently, I am expected to deep-throat this Fatty in front of God and everyone and, remember, I was just giving it a second chance! I don't even like it - this was a charity eat, not food rape!
I am *so* sure this was planned. I mean from the beginning, like, why the hell not just cook the damn fish instead of trying to pretend it is good that way. C'mon people. Work with me. You know damn well, this sushi thing is out of control. Eat it rare if you must, but when you have to cover up the taste of your food with soy sauce and the horseradish sauce from Hell, i.e., wasabi - it's begging you to be cooked.
And Chef Suzuki? What's next, you gonna serve me a little Puffer Fish and watch me in the throes of spasms while you and your henchmen giggle back there?
Round-eye is watching. I'm on to you.